You’re Not Too Good for Twilight If…

So with all the press that went on last month with the release of New Moon, I noticed a lot of people lying about how lame they thought Twilight was and how much cooler than they franchise they were. Some people did this with their body language and general demeanor (looking at you, Jimmy Kimmel) and some people did this more overtly, like my students who openly mocked the “Twi-hards” out there. Now, if you just don’t like Twilight, I’m cool with that. I feel fairly ambivalent about the series myself, and, as a person who is both proud and who really really wants to be an individual (just like everyone else), I can understand how one might feel completely above a major, international, cultural phenomenon, or at least the need to distance oneself from it. What really bugs me, though, is the fact that the people I see mocking the Twilight series are just posturing. I know this because I see my students in my class making jokes about how lame Twilight is, and then they tell me things after class like “Twilight changed my life,” or “I saw the midnight showing of New Moon.” Somehow Twilight got too popular for cool people to admit they liked. Well guess what, world? While you may be incredibly unique, highly educated, supertrendy, or whatever your version of THE COOLEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE is, you are probably not too cool for Twilight. Here is a handy list to help you figure out if your arrogant posturing is justified or just, well, a pose.

In no particular order, you are not too cool for Twilight if:

1. You like Death Cab For Cutie or Radiohead (Thom Yorke & DCFC are both featured on the New Moon soundtrack).

2. Your career was made by Twilight (would we even know who Kristen Stewart or Taylor Lautner were otherwise?).

3. You have read Wuthering Heights, Romeo & Juliet, or even Jane Eyre (emo before there was a word for it). If you enjoyed said books (or their movie counterparts, I suppose), you’re doubly not-too-cool.

4. You have seen a midnight showing of Harry Potter.

5. You have dressed up for Harry Potter releases or had Harry Potter-themed parties.

6. You have dressed up is a Star Wars costume, you saw a midnight showing of Star Wars, you can quote Star Wars, you owned Star Wars clothing/linens, or Star Wars is in any other way involved in your identity. This includes being able to impersonate Yoda. And yeah, trying it just now counts.

7. You have played any sort of role-playing game or any video game that does not involve something that might be featured on ESPN.

8. You have attended any kind of “Con,”  Comic- or otherwise.

9. You had relationship drama in high school.

10. You have relationship drama now.

11.  You have ever experienced unrequited love.

12. You have weird, esoteric hobbies or skills that no one understands unless they also participate in them (fantasy football? home brewing? scrapbooking? GRAMMAR, for Heaven’s sakes??? Please believe me when I tell you that they make no sense to outsiders).

13. You have ever taken yourself too seriously.

14. You know more than one ‘NSYNC song by heart.

15. You have fallen for the wrong person.

I could continue, but I think you get the point. Everyone does something that’s silly to other people– and if you never have, you’re not living your life fully enough. We’ve also all made mistakes when it comes to romance. Welcome to humanity. I can understand just not liking a thing. I’m not saying everyone should love Twilight. I don’t know that I love Twilight. But I think it’s pretty hypocritical for most of us to act as though we are somehow above all of this fangirly joy. Just because our “obsessions” are different doesn’t make them any more or less ridiculous. With a few exceptions, if you are a human, you are not too cool for Twilight.

Anyone want to add to the list?

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